A Change

I have moved my blog to the following site: http://thoughtsforyou.net 
Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you will continue to be blessed by this blog.

Please see the new post A Gift and A Shift
 https://ag1989.wordpress.com/2015/01/24/an-unexpected-gift-that-caused-a-practice-shift/

Blessings
Annie George

10 Life Lessons on Being a Homeowner

One morning as I woke up, a thought welcomed me,"what have I learned on being a homeowner?" Besides my parents' home and my husband's parents', I have lived in 4 rented homes and two homes which I called our own. All homes varied in sizes from two rooms to many rooms. I have stayed in the homes of family and friends as well. 

 I offer the top ten lessons to you as a source of inspiration to search and see what you have learned. This does not mean I have learned everything and finished learning. I hope to be still learning. But for right now, these are what I have. For this one I searched my heart to see which ten I would include. For right now, enjoy reading and pass it on to others. 

1. It is not the designing or decorations that make the house beautiful but the people who invest their lives in each other through love, trust, and honesty.

2. Do not worry about how spectacular our house is as we invite friends and family, may our hearts reach out to them in sincerity and serenity.

3. It is not in the rich cuisine you serve that your friends are satisfied but the warmth they feel in their spirits.

4. Our home can become a home for others only if we are thoughtful.

5. Love all our neighbours but draw clear boundaries.

6. As we open our home for others, never allow our own to always feel ignored.

7. The chinaware or the expensive dishes are not just for special guests but also for us to enjoy with kith and kin.

8. If bricks and wood were to testify let them echo stories of forgiveness more than strife.

9. There is nothing called the dream house. Every house big or small will eventually be our dream home as lives are weaved together through times of joy and tears.

10. Never get our hearts fixed on any home; see it just as a temporary shelter as we will move on to our eternal home sooner or later. 

Please share lessons you have learned in the comments. 

10 Life Lessons on Being Human

Here is my list of Life Lessons. They are lessons learned from various experiences. I offer them to you as a source of inspiration to search to see what life has taught you.

This does not mean I have learned everything and finished learning. I hope to be still learning. My top ten will change as I grow older. But for right now, these are what I have. Do not think I had a heart breaking search to write these. Not at all. It just flowed as I began to scribble in my note book. Enjoy reading and think of what life has taught you. 

• Rejoice with all your heart when others rejoice.

• Stay close to those who suffer even if you have no words of comfort to offer. It is not the time to dig out the past to discover all whys and what ifs. 

• Life is not meant to be lonely. There are many who enjoy your company.

• Once you've  helped someone, learn to walk away. They do not owe you anything.

• Those who have helped you, learn to be thankful regardless flaws you may discover later.

• Life is not a rat race; so enjoy the smile of a baby, smell of jasmine, touch of loved ones.

• You do not have to get ahead of everyone all the time in life. Stand back and watch how others enjoy when they achieve something important.

• No need to always explain why you are misunderstood. If it is to be settled it will otherwise it will develop resilience in you.

• Blessings in your life are never to be hoarded. Sharing gives you an opportunity to witness others enjoy their lives.

• You will often find yourselves in dead-end but that is not the end of your life. 

Perspectives...Empty Nesters

This year is a significant year in our life as husband and wife. We celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary. We are still dreaming for many more years together. Another important event was our daughter leaving home for college which created an empty nest for us.

So often people ask "how is life now?" "Are you sad as no children are home?" "Do you miss them?" "Do you cry?" Yes we miss them. Life is different without kids. But often I have mixed emotions. Sad at the same time happy! Sad that they are not home. But happy that they are where God wants them to be and they can manage their lives without the constant supervision of parents. I know they will come back home but still they are adult children steering their own lives with little direction from us compared to their childhood.

This is the dream of any parent. Children trailing their way to move forward in the path they see as theirs.  Moving from dependence on parents to interdependence is indeed an adventurous task for any young adult. It becomes a risky phase if the child was not prepared for this transition.

For parents too it can be a difficult task if they are not preparing themselves for this phase in life. Even though the sense of loss is normal, some parents feel a great sense of loss when the last child leaves home to the extent that it affects the sense of purpose and life.  For others it is a constant feeling of regret.  (Here I am not taking about elderly parents but middle aged parents. Of course the aged need constant support and care of children.)

How can middle aged parents live without losing their sense of direction and purpose when children leave home? It has to do with certain perspectives of marriage, parenthood, and life. The perspective of marriage is that husband and wife do not live for children or anything else or anybody else but for each other. In the bond as husband and wife, next to their relationship with God comes their relationship with each other. They become best friends and companions as they invest their time and resources to grow in these terms.  So when children leave home their friendship still grows.

Second is the perspective of parenthood. Parents need to see themselves as stewards of children not owners.  They have been entrusted in our care to their wholesome development. In this process we want to give them space, resources and freedom to grow into the design set by the creator God. Here, dreams of children and their parents about their lives are only secondary to that of their creator.

Third is the perspective of life. Of course parenting is a fulfilling experience. But there are also other meaningful experiences in life which can bring joy to us and to many in our community. This may not be a full time 9 to 5 job, yet being available to others in their time of need.  Here the involvement not at all suggests ignoring your family but using the time, energy, talent and resources appropriately to enrich others. Today people generally do this through employment which also produces a monetary reward. Yet the focus here is not money but leading a fulfilling life to bring smile to others who may not be our kin or kith. Then life presents a bigger role than being parents and couples.

When does the preparation for this phase begin? Is it after kids are born? Or after they become teenagers? I think the preparation begin from the day of marriage. On that day begins the commitment to be best friends, enriching children’s lives to fit into the design of their creator, and to encourage each other to have an other- focused life. Thus even after children leave home, there is still opportunity to enrich each other, children, and many others as well. 

 Young couples begin the process now and empty nesters there is more to it than being empty.

Honoring Our Family Members

As my daughter and my husband were returning home after securing admission for her, I cleaned her room, made her bed with clean sheets. There is nothing new in doing these. But this time I did so being conscious of doing this with a spirit of honoring her. I experienced a new sense of delight and pleasure not the attitude of doing my mundane chores.

It is quiet easy to honor and even overlook an offense if the person is our guest or a person of honor. We may go an extra mile to honor such people. It is important to practice the biblical principle of being hospitable.

Yet, how often we have the same attitude towards our family members, our acquaintances, and those whom we see all the time. As my mother died during my mid-teen years, I have learned not to take our dear ones for granted. I learned to cherish my time with my family and extended family.  I made sincere efforts to let my children meet their extended family.

Still honoring is different from not taking someone for granted.  How is it different? To take someone for granted means to appreciate the ways by which a person enhances and contributes to the quality of your life and the relationship. Honoring also involves appreciation but it is to value the person not just valuing the person for his/her contributions.

As I began to think more about this after listening to last week's sermon of the visiting pastor, I realized that it is a perspectival shift which leads to practice shift. I am able to appreciate my dear ones as those whom God gave me to cherish and love not just because of their contributions. This naturally leads to not to take them for granted. But the starting point is honoring not the other way.

Imagine extending this perspective to all whom we come across. What a solace we would experience and smile we are able to bring in the hearts of those we meet! But let us begin this in our family.  

Setting Godly Boundaries for Your Marriage

Boundaries are well-defined and clearly identified in land deals. This helps owners to know their limits of ownership. Respecting the limits allows neighbors not to encroach into other’s space. In any organization, job descriptions, rules and regulations have the same effect. Effectiveness and productivity of the organization rest upon respecting each other’s boundaries of space and work.

If respect of the other is the basis of functioning within the set boundaries in the above instances, growing in love with each other is the basis for setting boundaries in marriage. Or to develop oneness in spirit, mind, and body is the goal rather than controlling each other or to force the other into your mold. 

In the first stage of marriage, namely romance, even when boundaries are not well defined, this stage will care for itself as the newness the couple enjoy, may cause them to focus on loving each other. Here the couple ignores each other’s faults thus getting along and pleasing each other become their priorities. Brain also comes in our aid as it releases chemicals like Oxytocin, Phenylethylamine and Dopamine which set one’s heart thumping thus feeling similar to being “high on drugs.”

However, it is necessary to set boundaries in Romance stage itself. Just like all other stones in a foundation will be set in reference to the cornerstone in a foundation, some key patterns of words and deeds set during this stage will further guide couple’s life. Setting of boundaries may not naturally evolve. It needs deliberateness from both partners but either of the two can take the initiative. Thus it is neither an autocratic process nor just the interest of one person. Even in the midst of enjoying each other’s company both husband and wife can create a list of boundaries to steer their life together. This may not be an exhaustive list but surely it is the cornerstone.

As there is an urge in pleasing each other during Romance stage, the couple may be willing to do anything for each other. This is the stage in which they have certain high ideals about one’s marriage. Thus it is easier to set boundaries during this stage. One limitation may come from the fact that couple sees each other only through the beautiful, rose coloured glass which can create fuzzy vision. Yet with little effort realities can be brought to one’s perception. Besides this is just the initial attempt, the beginning of listing boundaries of their married life.

Boundaries can be set during any stage in marriage. Yet newlyweds have an added advantage. From the beginning itself they can avoid causing damage to their relationship and others. Yet for others who have been married for some time, it is better late than never. If the couple has the intention of creating oneness, let a new chapter emerge in life with clearly defined boundaries. While past issues are to be resolved they can avoid creating further damage in and through them.

What are some common boundaries that couples usually set? Family will pray together twice/once a day. Settle all disagreements before sleep. Always sleep in the same bed even when there is disagreement. Discuss disagreements not in anger. Not to use words like “divorce” and “suicide” in family discussion. Not to hit each other or use foul language. Not to discipline children in anger. Family will have at least one meal together. The family will visit their parents once a week/month/year. Never tease each other before others.  Never to place one in a vulnerable situation where one is mentally/emotionally/physically attracted or attached to someone else other than one’s spouse. Take money from each other’s purse only with mutual understanding.

The list can go on. It is to be tailored according to context of one’s family but with the aim of growing in oneness in spirit, mind, and body. One life to live, why don’t we live life to the fullest and enable others to do so!

photo courtesy  www.ladiesflight.com

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home,

Where I was a child, where my siblings and I, laughed, played and argued

Where we cried and laughed together

Whose walls echoed our shouting, rooms witnessed our deeds.

As the needle moved

My second home appeared where my husband and I,

made our home,

Where our children were born,

We share our joys and sorrows,

Where our kids laugh, play and argue

Whose walls have their fingerprints and rooms have stories to recite.

As the needle moves they will move to their own homes

And they and we, joined with many others will go to our eternal home-

Our home with Jesus where others and us,

Will laugh, play, and sing

Where the walls will echo our praises and rooms behold His Glory

We never have to switch the home again

Home, sweet home

Photo courtesy: www.pinktruth.com

Taking Risk to Build Our Home

Hannah is a a unique woman in the Bible. She was dearly loved by her husband Elkanah. Yet she also lived with his other wife who provoked her to irritate her. This misery intensified during the family visit to the house of the Lord. The reason was her childlessness. Her response to this dilemma was not quarrel, jealousy, retaliation, or gossip but just tears. Her husband tried to comfort her through words and action. Yet none of these could not pacify her. This scenario went on for years.

Hannah could have been content by her husband's love, yet she turned to God who could meet her need. I do not know why Hannah waited for many years before she decided to bring this issue before God. During one of their visits to the house of the Lord, she did something which made a difference in her life. In the midst of her weeping and prayer with bitterness of soul, she made a vow to the Lord: she would give her firstborn son to the Lord for all the days for his life. This was a risky decision as no mothers have done this before. Also she did not know whether she will have other children or if God would accept her son.

Hannah's prayer was first of this kind! Samuel was God's reply for her prayer and rest is history! She bore other children as well. She is a woman who was not willing to be buried in her misfortune and tears. She built her home with her trust in God. Besides, by giving her son to the house of the Lord, she decided to build God's house with her gift. She transformed her bitterness to bless the entire Israel from Dan to Beersheba. And all Israel recognized Samuel as the prophet of God.

Many mothers want a son like Samuel, but only to a Hannah a Samuel will be born. Only in Hannah's home Samuel can be raised. Only a mother who makes risky decisions on behalf of their children can build God's house.

What is special about Hannah and her home? Hannah's was not a perfect happy home that one dreams of. Hannah had a resident rival in her home who would cause irritation and tears. Yet this did not result in fight neither with her husband nor her rival. Besides, this was not a hindrance to her to express her devotion and trust in God. Also she could have tried to forget her misery in her husband's love. Yet, she decided to end her misfortune by turning towards God-a bold step towards building her home. Thus the key to unlock the door towards the answer to her problem was in Hannah's hands and not in anybody else.

What are somethings that bother us about our home? Are we trying to live with it thinking that it would never change? Are we waiting for some others to take a step towards the change? If change is needed, what can we do towards it?

One cannot build home alone. God is the One who builds, yet he gives us an opportunity to partner with him in building our home which necessities us to take risks with prayer, courage, wisdom, and perseverance.

Photo Courtesy: www.unhcr.org

Women Who Cared for Their Child by Passing on Their Sincere Faith (II Tim 1:5-6, 14-15)

The grandmother Lois and the mother Eunice are mentioned in relation to their child

Timothy. In Lystra Paul's, the great missionary and Timothy's paths crossed (Acts

16:1-2).  Paul was greatly impressed by him. Brothers in Lystra and Iconium spoke well of him to Paul. He came to know that Timothy was a son of a Jewess who believed in Jesus and his father was a Greek. Timothy became Paul's companion in his missionary journey. Thus began a strong bond between them. Paul saw in Timothy a faithful minister of God and entrusted many responsibilities to him.

Paul calls Timothy his “true child in the faith” (I Tim 1:2). He enjoyed Timothy's company that Paul asked him to come to him (II Tim 4:9).  Paul wrote two letters to Timothy to encourage him as a leader. His name is mentioned in 6 books of the New Testament.

Passing on the Sincere Faith

How did Timothy, a half Greek, who lived in a Roman city become a Christian and later a prominent leader of the church? The answer is in II Tim 3:14-15 which shows the role of his mother and grandmother in his life. From his infancy he knew the Holy Scriptures. Who might have taught him? I believe it is his mother and grandmother. Thus they left a legacy- a legacy of “sincere faith” (II Tim 1:5). Sincere faith was his inheritance.

Even in an unfavorable environment, a devoted Jewish mother and grandmother built a strong

foundation for Timothy’s faith by teaching him Scriptures from his infancy. They were not

influential women, yet simple ordinary women. But their gift for the Kingdom of God was

precious-A great man of God.

Timothy’s mother and grandmother gave him God, scriptures, and sincere faith. Some of us are

mothers and grandmothers. What have we given to our children? What do you like to give them?

We may have properties, treasures, bank balance and many other good gifts for them. These are

temporary. Yet these good things will aid in their wellbeing only if they fear the Lord and serve him.

Giving all the good stuff without God will not enable them to enjoy the gifts. With God

they will can enjoy the blessing of God and these gifts.

We really need to ask the question along with John Westerhoff, the Christian educator -Will the

children in my home, my church have faith? Faith comes from hearing the Word and experiencing

Christ in the faith community. How diligent are we in caring for our children by teaching the Word

of God? We may be busy helping children to be knowledgeable with their school subjects but what

about the Word of God? How diligent are we to take our children to prayer meetings so that they

can be with the faith community? Many of us in India prefer special tuition to worship thus

allowing children to skip Sunday worship.

Now think about children in our churches. Who will teach them Who will pass on

the faith to them? Can we take time to pray and introduce them to the Scripture through Sunday

School? Can we encourage them by a phone call when they are troubled? Can we let them know

that we care for them when they are away for studies or job?

Lord, let me not be engrossed in many limiting life situations. Let me not overlook my role in God's 

plan for children around me. Amen

Blessing the Children Around Us: The Woman Who Blessed The Child by Witnessing about Him

This is the second blog in the series on women who blessed children around them. This woman mentioned in the Gospel according to Luke.

Anna is an unusual aged woman in the Bible. As a widow she might have faced many years of loneliness in her life. Number of years she lived as a widow was much more than the total number of years she had lived with her husband and with her parents. It is not clear whether she had children. If she had children most probably she would have been living with them. Any how, she decided not to dwell in these sorrows and misfortunes. She turned her from a life of misfortune to the life of a prophetess.

They are waiting for us

Another factor is her decision to take up the journey to live in the temple. She traveled a long way from her tribal territory of Asher to come to Jerusalem. We do not know for how long she had been living in the temple without leaving that place. We read that she was a worshiper, a never ending worshiper of God. She worshiped day and night. She had a life of fasting and prayer. This shows she is a adherent worshiper of Yahweh.

Anna's worship and devotion came to a climax as she saw the child of Joseph and Mary who is the fulfillment of all she believed and practiced. She blessed the child by her words and action. When she came to know in her spirit that Messiah had arrived in the temple, she came to him. She not only she came to him but also gathered all those who were waiting for the Messiah. She spoke about the child. She gave thanks to God for sending the Messiah. Thus she praised God and became a channel to lead others to praise. Knowing all the unusual qualities of this aged widow, I can guess that people noticed and listened to her words about the baby. She became the third woman to believe that Jesus is the messiah next to Mary and Elizabeth. Yet she became the first woman who publicly announced the truth that Jesus is the Messiah. And she did so in the temple.

What a source of blessing she became to Joseph and Mary and also for the child! Many had a questions regarding the father of this child. Neighbours of Mary and Joseph might have had a lot of unanswered questions before he was born and after he was born. Yet Anna brought joy to the life of this family by affirming that this boy is the Messiah. She indeed blessed the baby.

Can you imagine living a life of misfortune as Anna lived? How many of us are willing to lift up our eyes from our sorrow to God to wait upon Him in prayer? How can we turn our misfortunes to be a life of blessing to children who may not be accepted by others? There are many women among us who live in their past sorrow. Unlike many, Anna decided to enjoy her life by being a worshiper who sought the coming of the Messiah. Thus she not only saw the child but also blessed the child.

Jesus took children in his arms and blessed them whom his disciples thought were not worthy to be touched by Jesus. How many of us notice children as they walk through the doors of our churches? Or are we immersed in our own sorrows and joys? Or in our own private spirituality? How many of us recognize the need of affirmation in the life of the children we see? Or are we busy with our own credentials as a prophet or worshiper of God? Take time to bless a child.

Blessing the Children Around Us: Women Who Saved the Lives of Infants

For next couple of blogs I would like to look at a few women who have blessed the lives of children around them. Many of us might haven't heard much about them. They are not in the limelight of many of our sermons. Yet what they did for children were so unique that their names are mentioned in the Bible. This blog is about two women who blessed many children by saving their lives.

Imagine living in a country where the king has decided to eradicate your race. With the help of his advisers he found that you are the key person to accomplish his plan. You were invited to his court. He shared his plan to recruit you to a cruel plan of killing innocent boy infants as soon as they are born, on the birth stool itself even, before the mother sees the baby. Your heart began to beat fast. The king did not expect your consent, once said it is a command.

I can imagine Shiphrah and Puah, (Exodus 1:15-21) the Hebrew midwives walking out of the court discussing what to do. They believed that they have an option which is to disobey the king and let the boys live. The simple reason was that they feared God. Their fearless acts saved the life of many boys who lived to see the deliverance of God during Exodus. These women indeed lived up to their names. Puah means "splendid" and Shiphrah means "brightness" in Hebrew. Together these splendid women brought brightness into the lives of the children and their families in the midst of danger. Thus they became part of God's plan for the nation of Israel.

What did their actions say about them?

They are waiting for you

• When the king decided to kill these innocent boys, these women decided to let them live. 
• When the king's deceleration meant death of the boys, these women's decision was life. 
• When the king decided to bring sorrow to the family, these women decided to be a channel of happiness. 
• When the king expected these women to fear him, they chose to fear the king of kings, their God who is the giver and sustainer of life. 
• The king expected them to be a curse to infant boys, but they decided to be a blessing. 
• When the king wanted them to be part of his scheme to eradicate God's people, they wanted to be part of God's scheme to make the people numerous. 
• These women rejected the kindness of the earthly king and became a vessel who received kindness from the eternal king. He established a family for them. 

Wherever you are, whatever you do, God wants us to be a channel of blessing to children who are destined to die. They may be living in poverty with regards to money, education, love, security, and care. If you look around there are hundreds of girls and boys who suffer injustice from the hands of those who should be protecting them: parents, teachers, family, neighbors, and community. Many see them as nuisance and a burden. But you and me are the ones who are there to change the destiny of these children.
Let us step out of our comfort zone. God only expects our readiness. He will do the rest. Be like these fearless women who blessed many children who were not even their own.


Photo Courtesy: www.affinitymbc.org 

A Habit Worth Investing Your Time

It was in 2001 that I first learned about The Four-R's in reading the Bible. The method grabbed my heart even though I regularly read the Bible. My husband and I decided not only to use this method for our daily devotion but also to teach this to our children. More than the method, our goal was to develop a habit of daily devotion in our children.

Mornings were busy as usual with getting children ready for school and both of us leaving around 7:15 am to the seminary where we teach. However we adapted our routine. Four of us read the Bible at the same time around our dining table along with our morning tea. We would wait for our children to wake up to read the Bible. Our son who was 8 years began with Genesis 1 and our daughter who was 6 years began with Psalm 1. We asked them read a chapter a day and to write a verse from the chapter in their dairy. As they grow older we were able to witness how they respond to God through their devotion. Through the years we enjoyed the fellowship of reading the Bible at the same time. 

Now 12 years have passed. Even though we do not read around the dining table anymore, devotion has become part of our day. Both of our children have read the complete Bible at least once. Hopefully my son, who is now separated by continents, daily reads his Bible. Every morning I see my daughter engaging in this practice. Our children and us together have made reading the Bible and responding to God our family's genetic code.

I got the opportunity to teach the Four-R's to many others. Why do I do this? The simple answer is that I just want to pass onto others a practice that blessed my family. This has helped us to grow in our relationship not only with God but also with each other and others.

Briefly, the Four-R's are as follows:

Ready: Prepare your mind to hear from God. Find a quiet place and time.

Read and Reflect: Read slowly and reflect on what God is talking about you and about him.

Respond: Based on what God has spoken to you, respond appropriately.

Record: Record your response in a book noting the date and the reference.

Recently I am learning to end my devotion by Resting for few minutes in God's love. 

I encourage you to develop the habit of daily devotion. If there are others whom you care for like your siblings, spouse, children, friends, encourage them as well in this practice. The Four-R's does not have any magic in it. The key is to daily set apart a time to read and quieting yourself to listen and respond. In 15 to 30 minutes you may practice six spiritual disciplines: Prayer, reading, silence, listening, meditation, and journaling.

I am often reminded of what Isaiah wrote, “He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed” Isa 50:4. 

Photo courtesy: themasterstable.wordpress.com 

Raising Resilient Children

Recently I came across stories of two children-one from North and other from South India. In the South, the only son of a doctors' family was expected to be a doctor. When his class 12th result was published, he called his mother to let her know that he has failed for one of the subjects. In the North, the scientist father expected his son to be a scientist. The son heard a lot of discouraging words from his father because he got only 83% in Class 12. Both sons chose suicide as their solution.

My Child, You're Safe Here

I have heard stories about parents who avoid talking to their children when they get less than 90% marks. What has gone wrong with such parents? Has our education helped us to really understand our children's talents, gifts, and hopes? Or have we become more ambitious after all? Do we really know what causes pain, grief, shame, or discouragement in children? Or are we busy making them to fit into our unfulfilled dream or to make them like our heroine or hero?

Resilience is the ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Resilience develops when children perceive success and failure as part of life. Ups and downs have been part of life ever since life began. Even though this also has been repeatedly our story, we, parent,s tend to expect only success for our children. Rather we are to create a space in our homes where they can share their fears and hopes, success, and failures without a thought of rejection. Only then they will trust us with their feelings. The first step towards this is to be transparent and share our sorrows and happiness according to the maturity of children.

Parents think over-protection is the way to develop resilient children. We tend to protect our young ones so much so that there are no possibilities for them to fail. Later, during teenage years when their independence blooms they tend to move away from overprotecting parents. Then when disappointments meet them they may not find those around them good enough to get them out of the pit of sorrow. This is because they won't see such parents as someone in whom they can confide in their feelings. It does not mean that parents should not be involved in their kids' lives. Yet, we can enable them to solve their problems and to make decisions according to their age. This indeed build confidence in their ability to handle life issues.

Besides, when we, parents only glorify success, it communicates to children that they are valuable as long as they earn awards and trophies. This conveys conditional love which in turn creates fear of losing their relationships. This is not to say that they are not expected to excel in their talents. But as we encourage them to excel, let them also know and feel that they are valued just because they are our children. Let them see that home is always a safe place for losers and winners alike. Last but not the least, help them to taste and know that their almighty God will never leave them nor forsake them.

photo credit www.essentialparenting.com

COSMETICS FOR THE INNER SELF

Today our markets are full of cosmetic products for both men and women. Regardless of gender and age, people spend time and effort to look beautiful. Display of beautiful women in advertisements like showpieces convey the wrong message that happiness is guaranteed for beautiful women. As outer beauty is valued, people often identify this with their personality. This association with self-image causes unnecessary problems in many women both young and old.

I suppose concern for beauty was present even among first century women in the churches in certain parts of Asia Minor. Their main be concern was outward beauty and they dealt with it by adorning themselves with braided hair, gold ornaments, and fine clothes (1Pet 3:3). Their concern was on something that is temporal which fades away by age, and other circumstances.

There is nothing wrong with being beautiful. Patriarchs in the Bible had beautiful wives. Job's daughters were beautiful. God has created many beautiful things and even God enjoyed the beauty of his creation. Outward beauty is not a hindrance in being beautiful in our inner self. Sarah is an example of a woman who had both outward and inner beauty.

Yet, when the concern for outer beauty takes priority over inner beauty, many unnecessary problems may arise. The apostle Peter addressed this issue by giving an alternative perspective on beauty. His answer for this problem is the inner beauty, which will not decay by age. This is of great worth in God's sight (1 Pet 3: 4). Gentleness and quiet spirit are the two virtues of our inner self. This was the secret of the inner beauty of holy women of the past. This enabled them to put their hope in God as they did what was right. They were submissive to their husbands. They were not subject to fear. In short this inner beauty enabled them to lead holy lives (1 Pet 3:5-6).

How do we become beautiful inside? The apostle Paul noted that the transforming power of the Spirit works in our inner being (Eph 3:16). I believe that as we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our inner being these qualities and other fruit of the Spirit will develop in us. This is the only cosmetic for inner beauty. However, this work of the Spirit in our inner being will be evident also in our behavior patterns. Others will see it in our relationships, our faith, our trust in God, our dealings, our words, and even in our smile. As women, let us care for our inner self or inner being so that we can present our bodies to God as instruments of righteousness. May our generation rise up and call us “holy women of the past.”

For Every Hour of Every Day

Things that I learned through our marriage which I pass on to you.

To Hold and to Cherish

1. You have received a precious gift from God on your wedding day.

2. You’re married to the right person.
Allowing the thought that it is the wrong person is detrimental to your relationship. You’re married! It is too late. “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” So make the best out of your marriage.

3.Your spouse is not Jesus and not perfect; only Jesus is perfect. Only Jesus can meet your deepest needs as He is the source of your life not any person or things.

4. Remember to strengthen your relationship with God. When it is there, you will have the blessing of having a good relationship with your spouse because God is a God of peace and love.

5. Find time for a “circle of two,” for prayer and Bible reading. Your family is a "miniature church."

6. “Clean hands and a pure heart”- let this be your prayer.

7. Your first year together is only a year of romance. Years of true love are coming. So hang on. If there is no wine left, Jesus can still do miracles. He loves to give to those who ask him. He is always for you and your marriage.

8. Love is a decision, not just feelings. The commitment you make on your wedding day is to your spouse and to God.

9. To honor and love each other in words and deeds is also a decision, a daily decision may be an hourly decision. Seek opportunities to give not just receive.

10. Be determined to strive and work hard for a great marriage. If there is a will there is a way. God will give you the desires of your heart. To have a great marriage, the partners need to be authentic and transparent. So there may be differences in opinion on various issues.

11. “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Control your temper and be polite when you argue. 

When you discuss difficult issues, make sure to at least hold each other’s hand. Learn to solve these disagreements constructively to avoid big “blow ups” that devastates the relationships.

12. Forsake the “blame game.” It started in the Garden of Eden. It is not your spouse’s fault.

13. Forget all the hurt from the last argument. Once forgiven, its forgiven. So try to forget or ask God to help you to forget.

14. Say sorry even when you know your spouse has wronged you in the particular incident. You reap the result in great measure.

15. Never compare your spouse with anybody. Comparing is unfair. Your spouse is unique.

16. Do not take your spouse for granted for they have chosen to love you and to make your life brighter each day even by simple acts of kindness. Be thankful. It is also applicable to your family members and your friends.

17. Your spouse is your best friend next to Jesus. See that you value your relationship with your spouse in the midst of the pressures of life.

18. Listen to your mate. Communicate verbally and non-verbally.

19. Encourage each other. Next to God you are your spouse’s best cheer leader.

20. Find time to have fun and laugh. Create opportunities to reminiscence your “good old days.”

21. Let each of your “cup of love” be filled with your spouse’s love. It is a safety measure against temptation. Our efforts to participate in God’s vision will be effective when we are at peace with ourselves.

22. If you know a particular thing is God’s will for your life do not hesitate to accomplish it. It is part of being a mature person. This will only lead to fulfillment in marriage.

23. Difficult times develop pearls and rubies in your marriage. These times help one to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” It also provides fertile ground to grow in love towards each other and to appreciate how others care for us.

24. Taking time to bless your extended family, your church, and those in need is an opportunity to bring a smile in the lives of others.

I wrote the first draft of this piece of writing to give it to my youngest sister when she got married in June 1998. My daughter told told me one day "I do not want daddy to get old any more." I explained to her the joys of getting old. One of the joys of getting old is to see the fruits of our hard work to build great marriage and family.

How to Develop Oneness in Marriage
Is it 50/50 or 100/100?

Developing oneness is worth our effort

While I was pregnant with our first child, my husband took a half-day leave to accompany me to the doctor. As his co-workers knew that he tried his best to be with me during visits to the doctor, one of them counseled him, “Annie can go alone to the clinic, it is 50/50, isn't it? Annie does 50 and you do 50 and then marriage will work out.” But my husband replied, “No, it is 100/100 and this is how it works.”

This happened almost 18 years ago. Our life went through a lot of changes in these years: Another child, returned to India, teaching, pastoring, studying, caring for dying parents, pain and inconveniences that come with a herniated disc, and many other challenges and blessings. But I continue to see that my husband was right; it is 100/100 not 50/50.

Viewing marriage as a 100/100 relationship seems to be an unreasonable math equation. Marriage as a 50/50 partnership makes sense as both spouses put 50% and thus moving towards a 100. One does the cooking and other does the cleaning, one does the washing and the other does the folding. This sounds practical and workable. Those who have been married for sometime know that this is not the way things work in real life.

I believe that marriage is a higher calling. This calling involves God's plan for families to display the nature of God's love for his people—with love Jesus died for us even when we were yet sinners and in his love he continues to sanctify his people to be his own. Such an expectation from two ordinary people may sound unfair. It is not only unfair but also from our experiences we know that it is not that easy. Yet God is giving us a privilege to live towards his greater vision for our life.

Moreover, 100/100 effort is needed to fulfill God's specific purpose for each family. God has a special niche that each family has to carve out. If attaining God's general calling for families is difficult, then think about the goal to attain a special purpose for our families. The path to attain this will bring us unique sorrows and joys one after the other. Yet families that have attained it can testify that at the end will be well.

As God reveals to us the unique purpose of each family, he is inviting each of us to put 100% towards his dream. This demands self-denial and self-affirmation. Self-denial or unselfishness involves putting aside everything from within and without that may hinder God's general and specific vision for the family. This does not mean one is not selfless. Each family is determined to persist to attain the purpose and vision of the family. This is part of self-affirmation.

Imagine you see all the houses in a city or village from a higher altitude. You may see the buildings in the size of something like match box. If each home puts in 100/100 to fulfill God's general and specific purpose, then we can join with Balaam in the Bible and say “How beautiful are your tents....”

The delight in this endeavor is that both spouses are active in doing their 100% in carving out their family's unique niche. In reality, in many families spouses are only willing to put their 50, or only one spouse is determined to give 100, or others have the desire but may not have the needed stamina. In such cases let us hope that they would see the pleasure of 100/100 and persevere to preserve the sanity of marriage and soon would enjoy the oneness that God desires for the husband and his wife.

Present but Absent

In my school days teachers regularly marked attendance by calling out students' names. Those who were present would reply “present sir” and if anyone is absent, some other student will say “absent sir.” However, as classes began some of our minds might have wandered many places thus making us oblivious to the happenings of our classroom. These students were present but absent in their minds.

Our house will be a home for us and many others

Is such absenteeism prevalent in our homes too? This is not about parents who stay away from their homes for employment or children who stay in boarding schools. But there are many homes were physical presence means nothing. Recently one teenager told me “I do not share any of my feelings with my parents.” Family members are physically present in such houses but some of them or all of them are emotionally absent. Then house is reduced to a stop over place. Essential aspects of family like cooking, eating meals together or praying together may be ritualistically practiced. However a mechanistic pattern of doing rituals do not give needed life support to its members. This is when we are present but absent in essence.

Machines have robbed opportunities of family members to share the workload. This has reduced the work for its members but also decreased the time families spend for a common purpose. Each of the family members have their own friends to talk to in the privacy of their own rooms and their own mobile phones. They enjoy their own favorite programs in their own gadgets. With less time spent together and less common space, family members grow distant from each other.

Who suffers the most from such distant relationships in families? I believe that each of the family members become victims of such emotionally absent but physically present life in our houses. When children are young, by nature they extend their physical and emotional touch to others. Yet as they grow older they will soon learn to adopt various distant behavior patterns. Here each of the family members live in their own worlds. They may share their joys together but pain and hurt are safely bottled up in their own lives. This is when houses become in essence lodges.

But houses can be homes where there is openness, love, acceptance, sharing, and forgiveness. It is where our good and bad experiences will find meaning. It is where one feels safe and secure. Even the very remembrance of the place makes one want to live even in the midst of despair. There is such an home in the Bible. The home of the prodigal son was not perfect but it was a home according to the above standards. Even after the son left home for his own personal happiness, his memory of his home was that of safety and abundance even for the servants which gave him the hope to live.

Who has the responsibility of making the house a home? Parents and other adults have a major role in this process. But as children grow older they are to be trained to build their home. As each member places the necessary bricks in the structure, it will become a home not only for its members but also for many others. Let each of us get to work to be always present in our homes. Remember each brick counts!

Family Vision Statement

Rainbow remains us of our hope in God

February 19, 2010 is family Sunday at Lifetime Vineyard, Adoor. It is a time to honour and bless families and to rejoice and mourn together as a faith community. Pray that God will continue to enable you to be godly husbands/wives/parents and to be a blessing to all around you.

Family Vision Statement: Where is your family heading to?

Once I participated in target shooting. The event made me realize that even when I aim at the center, often the arrows fell on different points on the board and sometimes flew outside the board. Then imagine shooting with no aim. This idea led me to introduce this topic—to develop a vision for the family.

Many of us are familiar with company's vision statements. How important is a vision statement for a family? When my husband and I began traveling with the same vision for our life together, we become more productive and our life together became a blessing to us and others. It does not mean that our first few years of life were boring or less colourful. We have enjoyed each other and grew in love with each other ever since we got married with a deep desire to serve God and to raise a godly family. But a common vision gave us a focus to move forward and together cling to God in good and happy times.

Proverbs 29:18: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Instead of simply living our lives together for 40 or 50 years how fulfilling it would be when we have a vision for our families! God's desire for couples is to be one flesh which implies oneness in every aspect of life even though they are two people. A well framed vision statement will help to answer life’s great questions as far as the family is concerned. It is like a compass that guides the course of a ship in the vast ocean or in today's term the GPS that directs us when we are unsure of the way. Imagine how meaningful it will be when everyone in the family knows and lives up to the purpose to which it exits! When followed closely, it can be one of the means to help to move forward with vigor and grace and every decisions will be a step towards your destination.

I guess you got my point. Why wait? Now let us get to work...

As a family (include children if they are old even to understand the discussion) prayerfully ask the following questions which can help you to frame a vision statement.

Why is our family here? Or What is God's purpose for our family? This expresses the purpose of your family.

Where are we going? Or What do you want to achieve? This has to do with the vision of the family.

How will you get to the goal? This deals with means to achieve the vision.

What are your important values? This explains important values of your family.

As you answer these questions you are framing different parts of your family's vision statement. Put all these answers together to one meaningful sentences. This may not be the final one but a start to see God's unique purpose for your family.

You can post your family's vision statement in your bedroom or kitchen and read it at least once a day!

Hope you will have the vision statement ready before I share my thoughts with you next thoughts. Until then may you live in peace with God and others!