Present but Absent
In my school days teachers
regularly marked attendance by calling out students' names. Those who
were present would reply “present sir” and if anyone is absent,
some other student will say “absent sir.” However, as classes
began some of our minds might have wandered many places thus making
us oblivious to the happenings of our classroom. These
students were present
but absent
in their minds.
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| Our house will be a home for us and many others |
Is such absenteeism
prevalent in our homes too? This is not about parents who stay away
from their homes for employment or children who stay in boarding
schools. But there are many homes were physical presence means
nothing. Recently one teenager told me “I do not share any of my
feelings with my parents.” Family members are physically present in
such houses but some of them or all of them are emotionally absent.
Then house is reduced to a stop over place. Essential aspects of
family like cooking, eating meals together or praying together may be
ritualistically practiced. However a mechanistic pattern of doing
rituals do not give needed life support to its members. This is when
we are present but absent in essence.
Machines have robbed
opportunities of family members to share the workload. This has
reduced the work for its members but also decreased the time families
spend for a common purpose. Each of the family members have their own
friends to talk to in the privacy of their own rooms and their own
mobile phones. They enjoy their own favorite programs in their own
gadgets. With less time spent together and less common space, family
members grow distant from each other.
Who suffers the most from
such distant relationships in families? I believe that each of the
family members become victims of such emotionally absent but
physically present life in our houses. When children are young, by
nature they extend their physical and emotional touch to others. Yet
as they grow older they will soon learn to adopt various distant
behavior patterns. Here each of the family members live in their own
worlds. They may share their joys together but pain and hurt are
safely bottled up in their own lives. This is when houses become in
essence lodges.
But houses can be homes
where there is openness, love, acceptance, sharing, and forgiveness.
It is where our good and bad experiences will find meaning. It is
where one feels safe and secure. Even the very remembrance of the
place makes one want to live even in the midst of despair. There is
such an home in the Bible. The home of the prodigal son was not
perfect but it was a home according to the above standards. Even
after the son left home for his own personal happiness, his memory of
his home was that of safety and abundance even for the servants which
gave him the hope to live.
Who has the responsibility
of making the house a home? Parents and other adults have a major
role in this process. But as children grow older they are to be
trained to build their home. As each member places the necessary
bricks in the structure, it will become a home not only for its
members but also for many others. Let each of us get to work to be
always present in our homes. Remember each brick counts!
